How to Write a Eulogy

Sometimes estate settlement is one of the hardest aspects of dealing with the death of a family member. This doesn't have to be the case if proper preparation of all estate documents took place prior to the death. If you have the services of an experienced estate lawyer at your disposal, there can be even less worry and strife. What is Probate? Probate: the official proving of a will. The probate process is intended to establish the legal validity of a will but it involves so much more than merely confirming that the signed, witnessed, and registered copy of a will is authentic. The Probate Process In addition to proving in a court of law that the deceased individual's will is valid, probate also declares the probate process also involves: Identifying and inventorying the deceased's personal and real property Having the property appraised Paying debts and taxes Distributing the remaining property as the will (or if there is no will, then state law) directs What Happens When There is No Will? When someone dies without leaving a dated, signed and properly witnessed will, the court decides who should receive the deceased's assets. It won't matter what your familial relationships were really like; the state will award property and cash to the survivors based solely on their legal relationship to the deceased. This is called dying "intestate". Generally only spouses, common-law spouses, and blood relatives inherit under intestate succession laws. All this can be avoided, if you take care of things ahead of time. When you leave documents that clearly state who you wish to get your property and cash after you die, you better support your survivors in coming to terms with your death without leaving them with a lot of unnecessary distress. Hiring an Attorney Losing a loved one can be an overwhelming experience and when you add in estate settlement issues, the months following the death can be much more than we bargained for. That's when it might be advantageous to hire an attorney. When faced with this situation, it's best to turn to the experts in estate settlement.

The death of a loved one can mean that you will need to find an attorney to help with the process of estate settlement. While it isn't necessary to have an attorney prepare an advance directive, it can be advantageous to have one prepare your will or any other estate-related documents. We have some suggestions to help you find the best attorney to provide the kind of legal services you need: Think specialization. You don't need just any attorney; you're looking for someone with experience in a particular aspect of the law. Ask around. There's nothing like a personal referral from someone you trust. Talk to friends, family, co-workers, and neighbors to see if they can recommend an attorney with the right expertise. Get in touch with the local Bar Association. It will have directory of all practicing lawyers in your area. Visit legal aid websites. These organizations can provide you with trusted referrals and legal consultation services.  The Next Step in Getting Legal Help At this point, you should have a list of four or five recommended local attorneys. Now it's time to make that first call. You should first ask to set up a face-to-face meeting but be aware that many attorneys charge for this introductory session. That's why your first question should be: "Do you charge for the initial visit?" If you do agree to a face-to-face meeting, it's important to ask the following questions but be observant too. Look around: is the office organized? Is he or she listening closely to what you have to say? What is your gut feeling to what you're seeing and hearing? Trust your intuition; if you don't feel you are a good match, then move on to the next attorney on your list. The questions to ask in your initial interview are: Do you specialize in my type of case? Do you have any special credentials? Exactly who will handle my case; the attorney or a paralegal? Who will be my point-of-contact? What's the preferred way to communicate with your office? Will I be billed for phone calls and email correspondence with either the attorney or staff? How will I be informed about any progress in my case? How will fees be calculated? Hourly, contingency, or flat fee? If I will be billed hourly, will I be required to pay for portions of an hour? What expenses am I responsible for? How often can I expect to receive a bill? Is advance payment required? What happens to that money if I terminate the case before it's resolved? Will I receive copies of all documents pertaining to my case? When you're satisfied you've found the right attorney at the right price, always ask for a written agreement and read it thoroughly. If you have questions about what you've read, ask them before you sign.

What's involved in writing a good obituary? That's really the first thing you have to think about when sitting down to write one for a spouse, other family members, or a close friend. Exactly what factual information should it include and how can you find a balance between dry facts and engaging storytelling? We have the answers to those questions and hope you will find this information about how to write an obituary helpful. What's the Difference Between an Obituary and a Death Notice? The obituary is a longer, more detailed look at the life of the deceased and the death notice is merely a compilation of relevant facts. The obituary also includes those essential details but it expands on them to provide a more complete look at the deceased's life experiences. The first of the details would, of course, be their name. If she was a married woman, you'll want to include her maiden name and if he or she was commonly known by a nickname, you may want to add that as well. Other essential details to include when writing either a death notice or an obituary are: Their age upon death Birthday Birthplace A list of the surviving relatives The date of death The location (city/state) where they died Details about the funeral service: date, time, place Full name Date of death Where the person lived We think it benefits the families we serve when we remind them of the simple truth: in writing an obituary for your loved one, you have the opportunity to serve future generations — not only of your immediate family but of the society as a whole. You are, in effect, recording history on an individual scale. It's a humbling yet inspiring thought. Well-Written Obituaries It's very easy to find examples of obituaries that are worthy of attention. There are interesting obituaries for everyday folks that inspire us; maybe even make us cry or laugh. Obituaries which, when we're done reading them, we say to ourselves, "I wish I'd had a chance to get to know that person." Obituaries are scattered in cyberspace, acting as digital records of a life, a time, and a place; and recently, some very funny obituaries have been written. Will writing our own obituaries become a trend? Maybe. We know many more people are writing their own obituaries today as it's often given as an assignment in certain college and university courses. How you document your loved one's life story is up to you. With that said, we recommend that in addition to the facts of a death notice listed above, the enhanced death notice, known as an obituary, could also include these details: Parents' names Information about the spouse and children Church affiliations Job or career information Personal and professional accomplishments Personal character and interests Influence on his or her community It's now time to push the facts aside. Sit back and think about the anecdotes and memories you could share to shed some light on your loved one's character and personal interests. Bring factual details into play whenever you can to help the reader clearly see who your loved one was, how they lived, what they did, who and what they loved. The more rich in detail, the more memorable the obituary becomes. Double-Check Spelling and Grammar Before you give a copy of the final draft of your loved one's obituary, be sure to read it through twice or even three times. You're looking for errors in spelling and grammar but you also want to make sure your facts are straight. Don't Hesitate to Call Us We would be happy to offer some suggestions if you're stuck. Call us to discover how we can help you to shine a brighter spotlight on their life.

Eulogies are both a final goodbye and curation of stories and memories. Being given the responsibility of writing a eulogy for a family member or friend is an absolute honor and should be taken as a testament to one's relationship with the deceased. Although delivering a eulogy in front of a crowd of people may not be the most comfortable thing to do, it will serve as one of the most iconic memories in an individual's life. The most difficult aspect of writing a eulogy is compiling memories about a loved one and relating them to the qualities of the individual. It is important to gather everyone's memories, not just the memories of one person. Below are some helpful tips for both writing and delivering a eulogy. Guidance for Writing a Eulogy "The writing and reading of a eulogy is, above all, the simple and elegant search for small truths. This can be surprisingly hard, to take notice of the smallest, most unpolished details of a life and set them up for us to stare at in the wonder of recognition." —Tom Chiarella, "How to Give a Eulogy" How do you begin writing a eulogy? Editor Carol DeChant explains, "Obituaries are usually mini-biographies, focused on what a person did, but the eulogy is much deeper, more about who the person was...It's meant for the select group of people who knew and cared for that person, or who care for the survivors." Christina Ianzito, in "How to Write a Eulogy," offers these suggestions; many of them come from Garry Schaeffer's book, A Labor of Love: How to Write a Eulogy: Outline the eulogy. In addition to helping you stay focused, an outline will keep your eulogy organized and effectively break down the task of writing into manageable pieces. Ask for the input of other family members and friends. They may be able to provide you with some great stories to share. Always try to share examples of the statements you make about your loved one. If you want to say, "she was generous with her time," tell a story that supports the statement. Do not focus too much on yourself. After all, this isn't a eulogy for you; keep your writing focused on your loved one. You may even want to ask others to read your first draft to make sure the focus is in the right place. Go for the humor. Shared laughter is a very healing experience so don't be afraid to make people laugh. Write the first draft. Don't fuss over every word; just get your ideas on paper. Put it aside for a while. This has, no doubt, been an emotional experience. Take some time away from the writing desk to get perspective and release stress or sorrow. Come back to edit and polish. This is the time to refine the eulogy into its final form. Print a legible copy of the eulogy, in a large font, to assist in the delivery of your well-chosen words. There's nothing worse than not being able to read your handwriting when you're standing in front of a crowd of people. Delivering a Eulogy Unless you're a seasoned public speaker, delivering a eulogy can be a scary, emotionally-trying time. It is recommended that you: Take your time with the delivery. Breathe deeply. Stay relaxed. Take regular sips of water. If you have any doubts about your ability to perform in front of an audience, consider appointing a back-up person to fill in for you. Or, you may ask someone else to take over the duty of reading the eulogy aloud on your behalf. "Giving a eulogy is good for you," says author, Tom Chiarella. "It may hurt to write it. And reading it? For some, that's the worst part. The world might spin a little, and everything familiar to you might fade for a few minutes. But remember, remind yourself as you stand there, you are the lucky one. And that's not because you aren't dead. You were selected. You get to stand, face the group, the family, the world, and add it up. You're being asked to do something at the very moment when nothing can be done. You get the last word in the attempt to define the outlines of a life." Where to Find the Best Eulogies Online All you need to do is search online for "best eulogies" or simply "eulogies"—you'll be directed to literally dozens of videos and articles. Should you still find yourself in need of support, please give us a call . We will be delighted to discuss other available resources. Sources: Chiarella, Tom, "How to Give a Eulogy" Ianzito, Christina, "How to Write a Eulogy"

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